We get the gist of Michael Maxwell (Ben Stiller) before the opening credits of Nutcrackers are even halfway over: This work-obsessed, sports-car-driving, sharply dressed man yapping about business to a colleague over the phone does not fit in with his rural Ohio surroundings. He’s on his way to his recently departed sister’s house – she was killed along with her husband in a tragic accident, leaving their four sons (played by the real-life Janson brothers) orphaned and in the care of their next-of-kin, Uncle Mike.
Mike was under the impression he was committed to nothing more than a weekend babysitting gig – with time enough to return to Chicago for an all-important presentation – but he discovers on arrival that the plans for a foster family have unfortunately fallen through. While social worker Gretchen (Linda Cardellini) searches for another happy home willing to take the entire quartet, Michael tries in vain to make lemonade out of the lemons life has placed in his hands. Filthy, crass, obstinate, reckless lemons.
Sounds familiar, no doubt. It’s David Gordon Green’s first non-Blumhouse production in nearly eight years and his first comedy in almost 10, yet Nutcrackers offers few moments that remind the viewer what made him a filmmaker worth following in the early 2000s. Coincidentally, Ben Stiller hasn’t starred in a feature since 2017, either — apart from a handful of bit parts, his primary focus as of late has been on directing and producing. It’s hard to say what drew them to this early-aughts-esque, not-so-feel-good, Christmas-adjacent something-or-other of a film.
Nutcrackers isn’t all that touching, with the four orphaned nephews and their similar provocateur personalities frequently blending into one big tornado of terror that never resonates emotionally with the viewer. Nor is it subversive, falling into the overwrought tropes of its trite setup – including “cold-hearted loner warms up to the local community,” “black sheep discovers the meaning of family,” and “hapless bachelor tries his hand at stay-at-home parenting” – all of which audiences have seen time and time again.
Most disappointingly, it’s also not all that funny, which is a real bummer for Stiller-heads and Frat Pack fans at large who suffer from a lack of good old-fashioned studio comedies. To say nothing of the Green defenders who’ve endured four hotly contested horror legacyquels in hopes of an eventual return to form from the frequent Danny McBride collaborator. Not even a detour with Edi Patterson – the best part of any given episode of McBride and Co.’s ever-underrated The Righteous Gemstones (2019- ) – or a pair of seconds-long Tim Heidecker appearances can turn things around.
Though it often looks great, shot on 35mm by cinematographer Michael Simmonds in his usual ’70s pastiche, Nutcrackers doesn’t earn a spot in the contemporary holiday-movie pantheon. And to be fair, released just two weeks out from fellow Christmas comedy Red One (2024), it could certainly be worse. In the end, maybe that’s what makes Nutcrackers so disappointing: “Could be worse” could just as easily be much, much better.
Nutcrackers is now available to stream on Hulu.
